I came and I saw.
It's a different life living at St Mary's. A life far beyond anything that I had imagined that I would be part of when I was a child. Growing up I always wanted to be something grand like a rocket scientist, a surgeon or an engineer (engineering is hardly grand in itself) and was ready to take on the world from the word go. After a while none of these things satisfied me. And after some time thinking about the call to something higher I came to the Oblates with hopes and dreams. A hope that one day I might be able to share Christ with others more fully and a dream to become more holy in this world and in God's eyes.
I came with three other men, all willing to see what their life was in God and with the Oblates. I can't say much about their journey, but I know that each of us came to be part of it. “Come and See.” Each day was another challenge and each day was another step towards understanding God and God's Will in our lives. We learnt much about ourselves and each other. We had some fun and some laughs, but we also had tough times and arguments. Time went on and we went deeper into the Oblate life and spirit. We formed a community and stood together on our journey.
Time went on and the community of four dwindled. Slowly, the Call was explored and understood. One man left. Another man left. And finally a third. They came and they saw. Each of my three companions found that the Oblate religious life was not their call for now. And each of them moved on with faith and hope. I was somewhat alone.
Loneliness is a funny thing. When time alone is a fruitful thing it's solitude and when it highlights an already negative disposition we call it loneliness. My time left at St Mary's and my life in a religious order was already in doubt when the last of my companions left. I was challenged to understand my vocation and my place at St Mary's simply as my own and not for anyone else.